It may come as a surprise to many, but the most important element in communication is not talking, but listening. Listening, a near-magic skill that surprisingly few can master, is not the same as hearing. Hearing is a physical process involving your ears, and (as long as you don\u2019t have any health problems) you don\u2019t really have to do anything in particular to hear what others are saying. Listening, however, is the interpretation of messages you receive, and it goes well beyond registering sounds. It requires concentration and focus, not only to process the meaning of words, but also to capture the message carried by gestures, tones, volume, pauses and even silences. A good listener will also be able to grasp the message carried by what isn\u2019t <\/i>said. It\u2019s a very active process and, in order to really make an impact, you have to be fully engaged.<\/p>\n
Many people claim to be good listeners. However, most of us fail to listen with the intention of fully understanding, and instead do it simply to provide an answer or say what\u2019s on our mind in a way that could sometimes be described as \u201calmost anxiously\u201d. Just think about it: when was the last time you had someone completely focused on listening to you, on not just your words, but on your emotions and your gestures? When did you have someone literally listening to the message carried by the words you didn\u2019t say? To your silence? To the meaning between the lines? One of the biggest compliments you can give somebody is to really, deeply listen to them. Do it with intent, be consistent, and you\u2019ll be considered a great conversationalist.<\/p>\n
\u201cSilence is one of the great arts of conversation\u201d \u2013 Cicero<\/p>\n
Professional conversations require very active listening skills in order to be successful. You definitely don\u2019t want to upset your client or your boss because you were distracted while they were talking, or because you asked a question the answer to which was given a minute earlier. On the other hand, nodding, clarifying, or silently focusing all your attention on what they are talking about will make them trust you and keep them opening up. You end up as the winner, and often without saying much.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s important to keep in mind that, to properly apply this, you have to genuinely believe it. A simple exercise will help: for the next day or two, every time you begin a conversation with someone (a face to face conversation, not a virtual one), try to really concentrate and focus on the other person. Provide feedback that says \u201cI am listening\u201d and ask questions only to clarify what\u2019s being said. For this exercise, don\u2019t express an opinion on what\u2019s been shared, and don\u2019t be judgmental. Just listen. You\u2019ll see how the other person gradually opens up and how easy it is to relate to the other person. It\u2019ll be extremely satisfying. Just try it!<\/p>\n
Not only will you get better information from those you work with, but they will get to trust you more because people rarely experience this kind of close attention. All it takes is for you to listen without judging. It doesn\u2019t mean that you won\u2019t be able to express your opinion or disagree with what\u2019s being said. Just listen first, and listen fully.<\/p>\n
Mastering the art of listening is also of great help when you\u2019re leading a meeting or even just participating in one. If you can hold your horses and be the last to speak while carefully listening to what the others have to say, only asking questions to make sure you understand but not approving or disapproving of what is said, you\u2019ll\u00a0 be judged as someone who really pays attention, and your opinion will carry a lot more weight.<\/p>\n
Here\u2019s another tip: have you been in smaller meetings with big bosses or important clients in which you feel out of place but still want to participate and don\u2019t know what to say? Well, just listen (focus!) to what the other person or persons are expressing and elegantly repeat or rephrase their words. Add something like \u201chow interesting\u201d or \u201ctell me more\u201d, but be sure to really mean it. You\u2019ll see. It works like magic.<\/p>\n
And that\u2019s not all. Have you ever noticed how companies claim to lose valuable people because one day\u2014apparently out of the blue\u2014they decide to leave? If your company\u2019s hiring process, compensation package and career plans are satisfactory, one can safely say that these people are not leaving as a result of poor compensation. They mostly leave because they don\u2019t feel valued or relevant by the company. In other words, they don\u2019t feel listened to.<\/p>\n
In closing, remember: to make other people feel valued and understood, to work more efficiently and earn the respect and trust of your peers, friends and family, you can start with one deceptively simple-sounding objective: listen.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention.\u201d- Rachel Naomi Remen<\/p>\n
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Published on Linked In on September 20, 2017<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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